In grad school i learned something.
if a kids farts,
take the credit.
tell them, "oops. sorry. i had beans again."
i love seeing the look on their faces
as they burst into giggles and snickers,
wondering why i would tell such a lie.
my attempt to protect the offender from humiliation
works for many.

Today i really farted.
and it really stunk.
and i walked up and down the room just tooting silently
and then they began to smell it
they covered their noses and tucked their faces under their black t-shirts,
yelling for mercy,
"Miss, open the door, please!"
"someone needs to see a doctor about that."
"that shit stinks!"
i shrugged my shoulders
in what they perceived to be false embarrassment.
"oh sorry uh it was me."
and as usual they laughed.
but really guys, it was me.