meditation on breaking up

My medicine cabinet is filled with ancient shit

and some of that ancient shit

reminds me of other things

There is an old bottle of acne medication

given to me years ago

by someone I haven't seen in years

sitting in my medicine cabinet

"My sister never uses this stuff, so I took it from her"

The bottle of acne medication is almost empty

I'm reluctant to face this fact

It's like saying goodbye

again

For the sake of a host

Wind howls against a 22 story apartment building just above Chelsea

There are three people inside

One is sleeping

One is awake

Another is awake

A window on the 19th floor looks out onto Manhattan

Behind it there are three people

One is dreaming

One is laughing

the other is tired but trying to stay awake

Buildings howl when the wind hits them

And sometimes people sleep

sometime people laugh

and sometimes you're caught in between

Resonance is always PERFECT

A shrinking poem about friends

talking to a friend helps you realize how ridiculous you sound

shifting your food to make it look like you're eating

A good friend knows when you're hungry

I hope I was some help to you

Do me a personal favor

go fuck yourself

I love you

Memory Box

Vodka in a water bottle

and crumbs falling out of the bottom of the toaster

like water

Collect in the corners of the same places

as the crickets and the grass

and the firefly masks

glow and quiet glow and quiet

and get broken open by sneakers

sometimes when they're glowing

sometimes when they're quiet

always better when they're glowing

The Lucky one

My mother knocked on my door before going to sleep

There is cake

The family brought it

It was a warning

There was a good luck charm baked into the cake

Noone had gotten it yet

There was more cake left over

but the family took it with them when they left

So they might have gotten the charm

They probably got the charm

It was just a warning

I cut into the cake just after 1 am

I saw the charm immediately

I knew I would get it

Good things were happening

I bit into the cake

One bite

two bites

three bites

I was able to take this charm in my mouth

it hit my teeth and was heavy

I examined it

it was hard like a big tooth

or a piece of a broken toilet

or a dusty statuette at your grandparents house

I took it out of my mouth and held it

It was heavy and shaped like a bag of gold

a word was printed on it

I put it back in my mouth

I licked the rest of the cake off of it

and it hit it against my teeth

and I swallowed it

I am the lucky one

"Farine"

sympathy for the drivel

I like that crucifix

Jesus looks like a pirate in it

I don't know how to get stoned

but I NEED A FIX!

The snow feels warm to me

I'm sick of naturally selfless people

boring boring sympathy

Boring boring boring boring boring

J/K

Kentucky Fried Chicken in "Off the Highway", USA

My friend recommended that I try Kentucky Fried Chicken

So when I passed one on the highway I pulled into the parking lot

My friend recommended trying the Crispy Chicken

So I waited on line

I told my friend I'd call him back

Theres a group of young men who talked loudly to each other

As an act, for those around, I pretended to be with them

The quiet one

They were talk loudly

and I felt like I was with them

lonely and resenting

I sat at a high table, overlooking the eating area

My friends were still on line

There was a group of white people sitting in the corner

No one was talking to each other

I didn't think they were together

But they were

from toddlers to old men

After the first drumstick I realized they were talking

quietly

the quiet ones

I finished my food and left, nauseous

I walked outside for the length of a basketball court

before I turned around and walked back

I dumped my Mountain Dew in a zig zag motion

Just outside the door

In the snow

Because it looked just like piss

Honey

bees go into honey wells

Even though its dark

Sweetness calls

Philadelphia Freedom

I once overheard an old woman talking about 1976

She mentioned how crazy everyone was

The biCentennial Was fucking with everyones head

There were many cults

and many orgies

and a radiant buzz in the air

I wonder in what capacity that old woman was there

Seashells

Brainwashing the sea shells - by rolling them around in the bathtub

Hypnotize the downstairs neighbors by the sound

Thud thud high heel shoe thud thud? thud

I used to have a pair of hard heeled shoes

men would turn to stare when I walked behind them on the street

Thinking I was a seashell rolling around in a bathtub

hoping to be hypnotized, brainwashed thud thud

Drain the water, cold now, from the bottom of the bathtub

Angel Dust

Why did you peel your skin off

and feed it to your dog?

I'm afraid of leaving

because I'm going soft

Don't have any worries

when you're here with me

Cut your pills from the chunk they gave you

and lay off the PCP

Let's watch TV

Everybody needs somebody

to worry with

Someone to go with you

up to connecticut

Everybody needs

a friend to stop worrying with

someone to help you

to not give a shit

You and me

Dreaming of what I'd do to the Cheetah (from the zoo calendar picture)

I am grabbing at the face of a wild animal

Mashing and scratching and mushing up it's face

I can't tell whether i'm being affectionate

or retaliatory

Eyes closed mashing and scratching

My hands are cut from the mouth of a wild animal

it has run off and my hands are clenched

I wanted so badly to feel that wild animal's face

A late night talk with my mom

Whistling radiators and candy bars evening out the scores

I hear and taste and feel the heat

And when I wander in at night

I kick the snow off of my feet

And I quietly close and lock front doors

And we can sit and whisper about the latest developments in exploitation

but she wont say who and I wont ask

at least not now

That explains the text message from Tuesday

Yeah, It's confusing

It's all confusing

curse all the choices because of the choosings

Shhhhhh

If he heard, he'd lose it

And when I walk into bathrooms

when everyone else is asleep

and everything is dark- really dark

a quick beat

a quicker beat

before I turn on the light

because monsters might not just live in laundry rooms

super late at night

I love cops

WibbleBee WombleBee – Blue
I met a Kangaroo
Wambledee Wonklebee POP
We got stopped by a cop
I said, “Hello”
Roo said, “Oh no”
And hit us both with a rock

(Co-written with Chie M. and Lauren B.)

Karen

Maybe YOU'RE being a little paranoid

because YOU feel a little guilty

Karen drives me crazy sometimes

When was the last time I had my period?

It was back during the the week of the 14th

when you had that bad cold

I thought she was a bitch when we first started working together

I think I love him, Mike

It's different from the other times

You can tell, right?

I think he's the one

It's hard for me to feel happy for other people

I don't really know why and it worries me

but I think I feel happy for her

Because she is my friend

and she is in love

I think you've officially lost it

2011 is the year where you will officially become a lunatic

oh STOP it

Cocksucker Blues

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A crush on a Social Worker

My Uncle Steve is in a hospital in Belleville, New Jersey

It's a shitty town and everybody looks shitty in it

Uncle Steve's partner's name is Angelo

They've been together ever since I was a little kid

He laughs when I call him Aunt Angelo

I drove to the hospital today and signed in

I looked at the names of the other people who had visited

I saw Angelo and read what it said under "Relationship to Patient"

It said, "Partner"

Aunt Angelo is at war with the New Jersey Mental Health System

He usually yells at everybody in the hospital

and threatens to report them to his "friends in Trenton"

The visiting room smelled like hot dogs

It was disgusting at first but then it made me hungry

I couldn't tell if the smell was really from food

Uncle Steve came out and his pants were falling down

I could see he was wearing black bikini underwear

They took his belt away when he came in

Uncle Steve said he has a crush on his social worker

and they didn't let anyone watch the ball drop at midnight

A muscular man interrupted our conversation

He said, "sorry to interrupt but I need you to sign this, Steve"

He was genuinely apologetic

When he walked away, Uncle Steve said, "See, I told you"

I drove Angelo home after we left

This time, last year, I bought bikini underwear at a department store

I tried to wear them but they were very uncomfortable

Late January First Poem

the Snow Melts and drips into the gutter

the Gutter runs and drips into the sewer

Birds fly

Sometimes they fly together

and together fly up into the sky