ending

hating such self-awareness, such meta, such breaking-down-the-wall poetry
but all the same, in myself, i'm yearning, invisible- i wish we could go on forever!

so here, baby, one last time- all today i walked through snowy roads in laced boots,
neck scrubbed raw from pounding
loofah, red dye still smearing out below the skin, resilient, soap-resistant

she'd pulled off her costume to show me her piercings, licked her lips
sorry sorry sorry that i held right out baby girl, honey bee
but, i want you frustrated, i want to remain full of unsatisfied longings

recognized some kids from saturday night on the path today
they'd pulled on my arms frantically that night, you're bleeding, you're-
today they looked at me like, you maniac

i'd really missed the danger, the gasping of breath
-like the hardness of running drunk, knees fierce against gravel-
in the shower this morning, i found purpled, dimpled bruising,
sunrises!
i found scrapes down both backs of my legs
the discovery made me giddy although it probably shouldn't have

i've missed the danger, and thinking about it back makes my heart skip
i want to teeter on the edge of trouble, of heartbreak
a permanent fall

i want to fall in love
i want to love in limbo

i want to stay full of desire, of yearnings, of
amorphous things
that move and stretch, continuous,
into the beyond