address to seven yous

proud of your noisy penis too. o lady, crown of my mouth, ribbon of my tape. have a crush on some facets of you, facing away from me though

left the country
because you wouldn’t look at me much. bobbing on you all thrilled
like riding a dumbo balloon in india
over the people. aye eye i
’m a secret when your eyes upon me.

wanting to marry you, but you are just
making cakes.

LAST

What can you really hear
your blood, yourself?
what’s near – what’s far, I guess

Grey haired women fill the seats
and I can see myself
If I look down

This could all be said
in less

Taking away to anywhere other –
the balmy night the radio
the impound lot

We passed through providence
got drunk, my face too red in
the pizza light

I thank the flashes, yellow sponge paint walls
in a building that might hold
nothing

else.

What happened after that?
I’ll remember inch X inch
She said “symmetry’s important to me”
In the auditorium the pipes ascend
Then climb down patiently
Check, do you have your medicine?
Everything will keep rising,
Falling like this
That’s what makes it all happen
Like a battle song
River’s music that starts so full
Then tapers hollow
Everyone was at the apartment Bob said
Apocalypse Now was “garbage”
Everyone drank and drank and drank to
The marching beat

Behind the ear cage
Is an unthinkable itch.

SHADOW TAG

“Like Tolstoy”
do you remember after
your accident, your lie
what you told me to read?

I think it’s what you tell
everyone to read
not uncommon to read,
or recommend

I drank a beer
For help

The metal tables
Did not belong

And I did not feel at home

It’s just that by now
I’ve found my own
required self –
it’s not so hard

Samantha put shimmer on her lids
lashes flared apart
on purpose?
I couldn’t tell –

A girl has to slip quick
sink into her own shadow

I walk alone, that helps
and imagine the quiet men
who took the time
to consider my own brain.

the end

i should feel accomplished having written 31 poems
but i actually feel bad
knowing that a month has gone by
and i don't know what to do with the remaining 11.

i feel so much pressure
to do something else
i'm told to do something i want to do
but it has to be something that will secure a better future

the better future is the future i'm happy with
not the one that will bring economic comfort

not that money isn't something i want
but it should be about profiting from something i'll be happy to share with the world
or just do myself
though what makes me happy is making people laugh

i also want to be loved
i've fallen in love so many times this month
only to discover that there's no reciprocation
and that hurts

i guess what i need is a for someone to give me a chance
in all aspects
and i need to put myself out there as well
i won't be discovered until i've been seen, as crazy/sensible as that seems.

i wish my last poem hadn't been a confessional
i kind of wanted to simply say
"be with me"
but i can only be mysterious for so long

Poem 31

Absurd enormous tears of frustration!
These I wept during my recent illness,
a bad cold. "Wept" is incorrect. They
just leaked out. No emotion other than
frustration. Still, a sign of some excess.
White kids trying unconscionably to rap.
All I've done for the past five days is
talk about sex, with present, past, and
maybe future sex partners--sex people?
The subject is inexhaustible. The object
is to come to terms with it. The subject
is tied into every part of living. Tied in!
Is the object to normalize it in some way?
I was so repressed when I was an adoles-
cent and now it's endocrine revenge!
All of my friends, people in their 20s,
"dealing with it." (People of privilege
all of us in our 20s, "dealing with it.")
And living in New York City! This town
is uh full uh rats. I'm quivering with
sensation. I'm mastering oversharing.
There are cycles I can now name: taking
out the garbage. Bringing the garbage
back in. Exposure and immediate
withdrawal. Endless, endless capitulation.
Specificity heightens tragedy--accessible
specificity, and it also heightens comedy.
J. K. de la V., I remember you. You're
the one who grabbed me by the shoulder,
and you set that shoulder to the boulder.
And we never even got naked all the way!
You! You stole that kiss from me, and then
you disappeared. Now I want it back.
And I want them all back! When I think of it,
I can feel my body turn into a mouse body.