second date

I want to say to you,

I am so totally psyched about this

in whatever formation, for

whatever duration.

But!

I'm not saying it yet, I'm playing it cool.

for, of course, the hope of a duration that doesn't end tomorrow

and some super social superstition in those dumb games.

this week,

I am in love with the relationship with myself that I am having because of you.

new thoughts with you as filter,

new problems,

I get all nervous but its hypothetical so I can say,

oh, no! everything will be great!

and everything is great. some day spring will come.

I do not use 'in love' lightly

and I will not ever say those words to you.

but to myself, my own primary p., my own wope,

me and my inky hands that I won't scrub for you next time,

I hope there is a next time,

I must be some psycho for learning. this is going to be hard.

the touching point of the assymptote: it does not exist.

But, I am empowered with potential and

totally preoccupied.

you are a big, busy bird and I am

filling my little belly,

drooling on the subway

moonie mooning, gender identing,

(complicit in everything I think is wrong in the world)

and everything that's just totally annoying

expert voice postulating, ringing around and leaking out my ears

rolling my eyes at myself and unselfconsciously dreaming out,

wet all the time, hair twirling,

it is so much easier to go anyplace when there's someplace internal so nice to go.

to think about what might happen and say

fuck it if I jinx this by fantasizing,

if you call it off tomorrow I'll always have

how I felt this week and what could have been.