another shame

shame, when
bouncing around on aaron's bed,
he runs into me
and feels the squish of my diaper
underneath my pjs

and every night, this fear—
that even though
i haven't done it since then,
i will, again—
keeps me up, and
going to the bathroom
ten times before i sleep

Three Step Plan

Life is too short to be angry at exes.
Life is too short to be angry at anyone
other than myself. Problematization
of consumption. Problematization
of irony. Pathologization of
problematization and vice versa.
Also flirting--problematization
thereof. Depression & anxiety,
hand in hand like heartburn
and halitosis. Life is too short.
Step one for the 20s. Step two is:

I learned to sleep again. This is part of
a series of realizations: things can be
easy once you decide that they will be.
I have so many habits, but I
remembered at least how to take control
of my hypnogogia and turn them to rest.
My dreams are my dreams and there is
no reasonwhy they should make me bolt up
in the night. So many habits. Step three is:

Let's see me apply this to the act of speaking,
to the act of singing, to the act of doing it.

paranoid

i'm being watched

by dozens of poets

REST STOP

I took a break it is too easy to take a break I showed the lake it is too easy to show the lake some days it’s barely there like everything, grey air, other days some golden light, the god of water and earthquakes, the god of choices, doorways, keys, the small key between the ring and copper square, the not so secret code will also let you in: sure, share my house, and when you leave, leave traces, I’ll find them here and there, sweep them into squares, shuffle faces through my mind’s eye's rolodex and next we won’t recall.

In honor of a snow day.

First you wipe out the residue of yesterday's egg from the pan. Then you turn the heat to #4, and put a tiny bit more coconut oil in using a fork. leave the fork next to the stove.

Get one half of a frozen dumpstered bagel out of the freezer. Put the bagel in the toaster, set to 10 minutes at 450 degrees.

Go back to the fridge, get out one leaf of kale, the carton of eggs, and if you have them at the time- a jar of left over carmelized onions and the avocado out of the fridge. Wash and cut up the kale, using the little cutting board and the little blue knife that are on the counter.

The pan should be hot by now. I f you're not sure you can check it by rubbing your finger on the faucet and flicking the bit of water in to the pan.

Find the spatula and use it to spread out the oil in the pan. Leave the spatula next to the stove, and crack the egg in to the pan. Plop the kale on top and smush it down a little bit, to crack the yolk open. Using the fork that has coconut oil on it, sprinkle a little bit of carmelized onions on top of the egg. smush them in too.

While the egg is cooking, fill the kettle up half way with water and turn it on high heat on the back burner.Dump the contents of yesterday's tea in the compost, refill it, and place the strainer back in the tea pot.

Flip the egg over with the spatula. Get a little plate off the drying rack. Cut a tiny sliver of the avocado with the little blue knife and leave them both on the plate. Put the rest of the avocado and the eggs and the onions back in the fridge, and get out the kimchi or the sauerkraut.

Your bagel should be thawed and just slightly toasted by now, and the egg should be done. Turn off the heat on the stove and the toaster. Remove the bagel, put it on your plate, spread the avocado on top with the little blue knife. Bring the egg from the pan to the plate with the spatula, and put it on top of the bagel. Get the fork from next to the stove, and use it to put some kimchi or sauerkraut on top of the egg. You can decide whether the egg-side or the kale-side is facing up. They're both good.

The water in the kettle should be boiling by now. Fill up the tea pot, and go find your mug from your bedroom.

Eaten in the vicinity of breakfast and/or lunch, this meal will set you up for a day of perfect digestion and possibly total bliss. When implemented as one's primary nourishment, this abundance reveals itself to be both surprising quick to assemble and affordable.

Leave adventure for dinnertime, start your day the RachelBreakfast way! With a balance of protein, fat, carbohydrates, vitamins, fiber, and probiotics, this meal is designed for the gluten tolerant but dairy-sensitive, and is especially helpful to those with anti-biotic trauma in their digestive past. It is mushy, crunchy, sweet, salty, sour and spicy, when you want it that way. After more than a year of almost continuous allegiance to it, it continues to reveal new levels of deliciousness and satisfaction.

Nix

i do not mean to say
i wish you were a marine bivalve mollusk
and not a lad.

i only mean to say you are not my brother.
but love you somewhat as i do my brother:
sadly and with a lot of bother
and wonder.