?

last night, i was thinkin, things are bad when i see someone is reading my tumblr
from jersey city and i get excited

but tonight, only hours after posting a plea for company,
to not have this house, empty and big, in the dark to myself for the weeks following,
promising home-cooking and the swing set,

i've never heard from so many lovers, old and new and (bashful, teasing)
potential, promising, and
all at once, remembering past years of the empty house
remembering my room in all stages of me, and long before the marmalade walls, remembering my bed with its crisp white sheets, stretched across the mattress like our
arched backs, the curl of our toes, waking with kisses and cups of tea

am tempted by all of it, a little for each of them, a little more of that peach of a girl,
a little more for hoping you'll see my words too, out there, and will say a bit of something
will give me a sip of your cigarette for old times, will come take your clothes off slowly

and get into bed the way you do always, as if you are diving into the ocean

there is the other hand, that dreamcastle boy driving me to shakepoint, to wrapping me all up,
to making me pinky swear to him and then deserting
to not ever reaching for me first, and damn, doesn't a girl just sometimes
want to be sure of something